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Golf Fan

When Was Tiger Woods Born? posted by Golf Fan

Born December 30, 1975, Tiger Woods is considered one of the most successful golfers of all time. Woods started playing professional golf in 1996, and by 1997 he had won his first major title, which he won by a record-breaking 12 strokes. In the same year, he was also ranked number one in the world. He remained world number one for 264 weeks during 1999 to 2004, and for 281 weeks during 2005 to 2010. From December 2009 to April 2010, he did not play professional golf, as he was facing infidelity accusations from several women and wanted to save his marriage. By November 2011 he was ranked 58th and had lost his form, but in December he regained his form by winning the Chevron World Challenge. In March 2013, Woods had regained his number one ranking when he won the Arnold Palmer Invitational golf tournament.

Growing up in Orange County, Woods was considered a child prodigy and he started playing golf when he was two years old. When he was three, Woods is known to have shot a 48 across nine holes at the Cypress Navy course, and when he was five, he was featured in the Golf Digest. When he was eight, he won the Junior World Golf Championship in the 9-10 boy's event, and went on to win this championship six more times. In 1994, Woods joined college under golf scholarship, and won his first golf collegiate event. In 1995, he participated in the first PGA tour of his career and tied for 41st, and by 1996, Woods had won three U.S. Amateur titles consecutively in a row.

In August 1996, Woods started his professional golf career, and by April 1997 had won his first major title by playing The Masters. In 1999, Woods had eight victories, which included the PGA Championships title. After a great comeback in 2013, Woods was injured in 2014 and he has not yet won any major titles since then.

Continue reading "When Was Tiger Woods Born?"


Golf Fan

NC Golf Panel Releases Best 100 Courses in North Carolina posted by Golf Fan

This week the North Carolina Golf Panel released their list with the Best 100 Golf Courses in North Carolina and it is not shocking that prestigious courses including the No.two course at Pinehurst Resort NC and the course at Grandfather Mountain Golf and Nation Club created the top rated spots. The list, which considers NC Golf Courses that are public, private, or resort for the Leading 100 list is published each year in the April issue of Business enterprise North Carolina. The North Carolina Golf Panel was designed in 1995 to rate and report on the state’s finest courses. Panelists that were asked to contribute score every course employing these deciding aspects: routing, style, conditioning, strategy, memorability, fairness, selection and aesthetics. We agree with all the folks at the NC Golf Panel. North Carolina is the greatest state within the country to appreciate golf! Here are some highlights from the list.

Just as final year, Pinehurst No. 2 remained as the #1, top rated position. Just as we’ve reported, the Pinehurst No. two Course not too long ago re-opened last month right after it was extensively restored. Not surprisingly, this course somehow has generally been listed as the top rated position because the list initial began. Other highlights to note are the Charlotte Country Club moved as much as the #6 position plus the Elk River Club in Banner Elk jumped two positions to 7th. Greensboro’s Farm Course at the Greensboro Nation Club produced an look on the best 100 list after receiving renovations this past year.

See the web site for the NC Golf Panel for the total list, for a regional best ten breakdown, and to see the list of holes that would make up their “Dream 18”. If you're planning on golfing in the Carolinas you should check out this list.

Continue reading "NC Golf Panel Releases Best 100 Courses ..."


Golf Fan

Tiger's swing coach opens up in a new book posted by Golf Fan

Tiger Woods' quest to break Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 big championships weighed heavily on the former world No. 1 golfer, his former swing coach, Hank Haney, said in a book excerpt released Tuesday.

"There was a lot more urgency and much less entertaining. ... He never mentioned Nicklaus' record, but it began to weigh additional heavily at just about every significant," Hank Haney wrote in "The Significant Miss," his book about his time coaching Woods. "And Tiger's actions indicated he believed he had less time to do it than every person thought."

Inside the excerpt, Haney detailed Woods' extreme workouts and how they intersected with his fascination with the military.

"Tiger did two tandem parachute jumps, engaged in hand-to-hand combat exercises, went on four-mile runs wearing combat boots, and did drills in a wind tunnel," Haney wrote about 4 days Woods spent in special-ops coaching at Fort Bragg, N.C. "Tiger loved it, but his physical therapist, Keith Kleven, went a bit crazy worrying about the additional damage Tiger could be carrying out to his left knee.

"One morning I was within the kitchen when he came back from a extended run around [his Orlando-area dwelling at] Isleworth, and I noticed he was wearing Army boots. Tiger admitted that he'd worn the heavy shoes just before on precisely the same route. 'I beat my best time,' he mentioned."

Woods grew up inside a military family. His father, Earl Woods, was a Green Beret. According to Haney, Woods was seriously thinking about becoming a Navy SEAL, one of the military's most physically and mentally demanding units.

Continue reading "Tiger's swing coach opens up in a new book"


Colin Linneweber

Charles Barkley, Tiger Woods and Billy Payne Are Not "Role Model(s)" posted by Colin Linneweber

Legendary basketball superstar Charles Barkley justifiably criticized the chairman of the Augusta National Golf Club this week for negative comments he made about Tiger Woods and his serial philandering immediately prior to The Masters Tournament

“It is simply not the degree of his conduct that is so egregious here,” said Billy Payne, who replaced Hootie Johnson as Augusta’s presiding officer in 2006. “It is the fact that he disappointed all of us, and more importantly, our kids and grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children.” 

Payne continued when a reporter asked him if Woods could potentially redeem himself. 

“Is there a way forward? I hope yes. I think yes. But certainly, his future will never again be measured only by his performance against par, but measured by the sincerity of his efforts to change. I hope he realizes that every kid he passes on the course wants his swing but would settle for his smile.” 

Barkley is close friends with Woods and he harshly chastised Payne for his remarks. 

“I don’t know who the hell he thinks he is,” said Barkley, 47, an 11-time NBA All-Star selection. “That’s Tiger Woods personal life. That has nothing to do with golf.” 

After Barkley verbally pimp-slapped Payne, he stated that you’d have to have your “head in the sand” if you don’t think Woods is judged differently than other golfers because he is black. 

Continue reading "Charles Barkley, Tiger Woods and ..."


Andy Johnson

Lion's Paw Was A Roaring Good Time posted by Andy Johnson

This past summer I spent some time in Myrtle Beach and tried to tame the Lion's Paw golf course, with little to no success :-)  My buddy and I enjoyed the course very much.  It was a challenging course for us because we are beginners, but we enjoyed the nice landscape and beautiful views along the course.  We can't wait to come back next year with a little more golf experience under our belts.  If you're in the area and haven't given it a try, I definitely recommend it!  

Continue reading "Lion's Paw Was A Roaring Good Time"


The Gripester

Tiger Woods' Tiresome Tantrums posted by The Gripester

Tiger TantrumSome guy blogged about how Tiger Wood’s is a role model off the course, but he doesn’t have to be one on the course. Well, Tiger’s off course on the course. His actions are that of an ass. He owns the golf world, but acts like a spoiled kid on goofy golf course. I’m sick of it, and of him. Tiger’s not content with being the best at his sport. He wants to rule it with a nastiness that golf has always been averse to. His tantrums, and cursing, and throwing clubs, and berating the photographers and fans that cause his huge income, has gotten ridiculous. What is the message he is trying to send? He wants what the contact sports have. He wants to humiliate while he dominates.How else can one explain his recent insults of Ernie Els’ rehab practices? Now, he’s talking trash. What’s next, walking down the fairway shooting barbs like a basketball player running his mouth down the court?Basketball is physical and verbal. Football is physical and verbal. Hockey is physical and more physical. Baseball is the calm of the big four, though it has its moments. Golf is not the platform for his theatrics. From organizers, to players, to fans, and family, golf is a solo sport, mostly played in the mind. One’s own mind. Being upset with your play should be kept in your head, or taken out to the practice tees. We don’t pay to see Tiger heave clubs into the weeds or F-Bomb our kids, or threaContinue reading "Tiger Woods' Tiresome Tantrums"


Devin

Funny non-sport related videos!!!!! posted by Devin

I know these 3 clips have nothing to do with sports, but I thought that it would be entertaining because all you need to do is laugh sometimes.  I will probably post 3 videos every so often so stay tuned, I guess:

THEY GET BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT GETS EVEN BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STAY TUNED, THERE ARE MORE LAUGHS TO COME!!!!!!!!!

Devin

Continue reading "Funny non-sport related videos!!!!!"


George Singeltary

The year of the disappointing winner: Heath Slocum wins the Barclays over Tiger Woods posted by George Singeltary

After last week's Barclays, an analyst said something along the lines of "another week, another surprise winner in this year of the underdog."  What I would have said, and what he probably wanted to say, was: "another week, another random guy wins a big PGA Tour event in this year of the disappointing finish."  For the 3rd week in a row (and what seems like the millionth time this year) a little-known player won a big tournament (PGA=Yang, Wyndham=Ryan Moore, Barclays=Heath Slocum).  But does anyone really think these guys will be consistent winners?  Let's take Y.E. Yang for instance.  Yang took down Tiger at the PGA this summer.  He didn't just edge Tiger out, he beat him soundly.  Only minutes after winning the tournament Yang was already saying that he didn't want a rematch! 

I'm predicting that Yang will be just another example of the continuing trend on the PGA Tour: a guy wins, he looks impressive, then fades off into oblivion.  Adam Scott made it all the way to #3 in the world then totally fell off the map.  What about Sergio?  Last year about this time you were hearing: He won The Players! He learned how to putt and he's the #2 in the world he's going to take down Tiger!  Finally!  Next thing you know Sergio is steadily falling down the rankings and missing putts.  I for one am sick of the underdog story.  I'm still holding out hope that Tiger's Watson or Trevino will come along and challenge him just like those guys challenged Jack.

There was so much potential in the majors this year.  At the Masters you had Tiger, Phil, and Perry making a run down the stretch.  Guess who wins: Angel Cabrera!  Cabrera is the wildest one of them all!  He has won two huge tournaments: The U.S. Open and the Masters.  You never hear the guy's name at any other tournament!  Then the U.S. Open.  David Duval, the ex-#1 player who has fallen off the planet (again proving my point about players falling off) is so close to winning but comes up short.  Or you have Phil playing for Amy who is sick with breast cancer.  Who wins?  Lucas Glover.  Then comes the British.  You have potentially the biggest sports story of all time: "Tom Watson, winner of the British Open at age 59!"  He would finally get the credit he deserves!  But it wasn't to be.  Stewart Cink, the party pooper of the year gets the win.  Finally, the PGA comes around.  Tiger has the 54-hole lead and everyone is thinking: "finally we will have a big name guy win! Tiger will get his 15th major and everything will be right in the world.  Y.E. Yang wins the freaking tournament! 

Continue reading "The year of the disappointing winner: ..."


Greg Archuleta

Rest Easy, Jack; Top 5 Reasons Tiger Is Done posted by Greg Archuleta

Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 major golf tournament victories is safe. Eldrick Woods will not catch him.

There, I said it. I was going to say it after he missed the cut at the British Open. Y.E. Yang's takedown of Eldrick at the PGA Championship on Sunday (The Win and the Yang? Choking Tiger, Hidden Dragon?) leaves no doubt in my mind.

Eldrick is finished.

At least as far as the all-time majors winner is concerned. Notice how I call him, "Eldrick?" That's because he's no longer the Tiger Woods that stormed to 14 majors by the age of 32.

Here are the top five reasons why "Eldrick" has replaced "Tiger" and will fall short of the still-Golden Bear.

No. 5: Fatherhood. Knowing Eldrick as well as I do ...  ... just waiting for the laughter ...I get the impression he's not a bad guy. He's never been accused of shooting himself in the leg at a club, making it rain at a strip club, taking female hormones, mistreating animals of any kind, doing anything improper in restaurants with patrons or in hotel rooms with hotel personnel. All he's done is curse ... and perhaps pass gas.

That means he's probably into being a dad. When that happens, your priorities change. You just don't spend as much time doing what you did before. You just want to be with your child. Therefore, he's probably just not spending as much time on the golf course. Doesn't make him a bad guy, either.

No. 4: His physical advantage is gone. Once upon a time, Tiger set the standard in physical conditioning for a golfer.

Nowadays, the majority of golfers spend a lot of time in the gym. How many Craig Stadlers and John Dalys are out on the tour. Take a look at the British Open and 59-year-old Tom Watson. He's a workout fiend. Everybody's doing it. The 37-year-old Yang took up golf at age 19. The guy matched Woods on the lenghts of his drives all afternoon.

Continue reading "Rest Easy, Jack; Top 5 Reasons Tiger Is Done"


Chris Strickland

Street Ballin' posted by Chris Strickland

Being a baller, I tend to play basketball a lot. The other day I was balling, and some other ballers challenged me and my baller bros to a game of full-court. FULL COURT. I suck at full court.

I can't dribble, so full-court makes me look like an even shitter dribbler. One of my favorite dribbling techniques is to get a rebound, then take a few steps and crouch down, protecting the ball. I'll try to pass it to a teammate, then it'll get stolen. That's how I work.

One of the things I've noticed about street-balling is that there are two kinds of defense: physical and voice. "Physical D" is obvious: that's you actually playing defense. "Voice D" is when you're too tired to get to the basket, so you scream something random at your man when he's trying to score.

(Guy drives to the basket, and defender just watches)

"I'll burn your church!"

"Nigga, I'm agnostic. But that's still fucked up."

By the time he's said agnostic, I've already stolen the ball. That's an example of "Voice Defense."

I like playing two-on-two, I think it's good having a teammate and working together. One thing I don't like is when your teammate creates a play, then dishes it out to you to hit an open shot. And after he does that, he screams "HIT THAT!" Dude, obviously. Thanks for taking the time to remind me of what I'm supposed to be doing, and on top of that, adding the pressure of "you better make this." That's like Tiger Woods' caddy screaming "MAKE IT!" right when he's about to sink a putt. Tiger would be like, "Okay, fuck you.....anyone else know how to caddy?"

Continue reading "Street Ballin'"

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Judging who should and shouldn't have been asked to attend the NBA draft lottery (Ball Don't L

The NBA’s draft lottery takes place on Tuesday, May 19. Representatives of the 14 NBA teams that will take part in the lottery were announced on Thursday, and as tends to happen, several mistakes were made. [ Follow Dunks Don't Lie on Tumblr: The best slams from all of basketball ] Minnesota Timberwolves Who they chose : Glen Taylor, owner Why : There are rumors that an ownership group cobbled together by both Timberwolves president/coach Flip Saunders and Kevin Garnett could try to purchase the team from Taylor, so this might be his last go-round in the lottery. Not because the Timberwolves will get any better any time soon, but because he could decide he’s had enough with a team that hasn’t made the playoffs since 2004. On the bright side, Taylor still carries that membership card from that Chipotle he likes outside the lottery studios and he’s about to get his 10th click and I think that means a free burrito but he’ll still have to pay extra for guacamole. Guacamole costs extra. Who they should have chosen : Kevin Garnett Why : The Wolves have the best odds at the top overall pick, and after they slide into the top three ESPN would ask Garnett to come over to the stage for the final unveiling and he’d decide to take a 45-minute shower first and make them wait and then the show would be delayed and then the entire ESPN schedule would be delayed and then your dumb roommate Phillip’s DVR of ‘First Take’would be screwed over the next day and it would be so sweet. New York Knicks Who they chose : Steve Mills, general manager. Why : Because Phil Jackson is a rich baby-boomer, and rich baby-boomers are notoriously averse to taking responsibility for the mess they’ve created. Come on, people now. Smile on your brother. Who they should have chosen : Don Henley, Eagle, former perm-haver . Why : Because the manager of the Eagles helped put Phil Jackson in charge of the Knicks, because the Knicks are the worst, and because the Eagles are the worst. It’ll be a nice distraction before Isiah Thomas represents the team at the 2016 lottery oh wait they traded away that pick for Andrea Bargnani my bad. Yeah, go with Henley. He’s down with the culture, there. Philadelphia 76ers Who they chose : Nerlens Noel, player. Why : Cool hair, better gap-tooth. Subject to be replaced pending league approval of the four-team deal that will send Noel to Oklahoma City for OKC’s 2021 first-round draft pick (top three protected, could turn over into an unprotected 2022 first-round pick if unclaimed in 2021). Who they should have chosen : Burt Young, famed star of stage and screen. Why : The man who played Paulie Pennino in all 12 ‘Rocky’features achieved Hollywood immortality by attempting to deny the titular character a chance at both the heavyweight championship and also the hand of the woman he loved. The character is loathsome and outside of an affinity for both canned beer and robots, devoid of any redeeming qualities. All he wanted was for all of Philadelphia to be as unhappy as him. This is right up the 76ers’alley. Los Angeles Lakers Who they chose : Byron Scott, head coach lol. Why : Because I need something to write about the next day. Who they should have chosen : Kobe Bryant, shooting guard. Why : Glen Taylor needs to be told he shouldn’t be celebrating too much, and that it’s just a top overall pick and nothing like FIVE RINGS. Steve Mills needs to be told that he doesn’t even have Phil Jackson’s secret-secret cell phone number and hell no Kobe’s not giving it to him. The guy from ‘Rocky’needs to be told that he’s not even making the top six names in the Leonard Maltin Game . And when the Lakers fall out of the top five and lose the pick to Philadelphia Kobe gets to say “good man I didn’t even want to play with some punk kid get me Caron Butler that’s someone I can go to war, with, man, I’m a WARRIOR MAMBA OUT.”Orlando Magic Who they chose : Alex Martins, CEO. Why : This is what CEOs get to do, I guess. Get on TV for a bit as your pick slides from fifth to eighth and all the free bobbleheads you can find and hey look here’s a picture of me and Dr. J. did you know Michael Jordan bet me fifty bucks I couldn’t knock in this 20-foot putt and I totally nailed, man, totally nailed it. Who they should have chosen : A selected fan participant, the winner of a “why I remain an Orlando Magic fan”essay contest. Why : Because it would have been hilarious to see which d-bag Laker fan the essay winner would sell his ticket to. Sacramento Kings Who they chose : Vlade Divac, President of the Sacramento Kings and maybe coach. Why : Vlade Divac once played basketball for the Sacramento Kings. As such, he has earned the right to run the Sacramento Kings for five months. Who they should have chosen : Peja Stojakovic, President of the Sacramento Kings and maybe coach. Why : You didn’t hear? Check your Twitter. Denver Nuggets Who they chose : Josh Kroenke, inheritor, bon vivant, and man about town. Why : He’s rich, he played basketball, and he can park wherever the hell he likes. Who they should have chosen : Ron, Wal-Mart greeter. Any Wal-Mart greeter. Why : Why? Have you seen those dudes? They are adorable . They don’t look at you funny when your only purchases include a George Jones CD, a three-pack of boxer shorts, some almonds and a tire gauge. He’ll always check your receipt when you get ice and it’s like come on Ron I’m not going to steal ice. Detroit Pistons Who they chose : Jeff Bower, general manager. Why : He’s tall, he’s respected, he is well-groomed and he is the general manager. He has perfect handshake timing, never lingers too long, and he understands that these days you prefer text to voicemail. Who they should have chosen : Jeff Bower, general manager. Why : He is the team’s general manager. Charlotte Hornets Who they chose : Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, 500 jumpers a day. Why : It is May. It is warm. Michael Jordan has played 27 holes and made over 1200 untaxed bucks before you even decided to check if Lawrence Funderburke was just named president and maybe coach of the Sacramento Kings. Who they should have chosen : I guess we’re going all in on this whole stupid 1990s nostalgia thing so, I dunno, Larry Johnson? Why : LJ is pretty cool . If he’s unavailable we can just see who’s trending or who’s on Fallon’s show tonight so probably Lisa Turtle or the woman that sang ‘Zombie’or TV’s Wayne Knight or Joe Isuzu or ‘Air Bud’just kidding ‘Air Bud’is totally dead by now. Miami Heat Who they chose : Alonzo Mourning, Miami Heat family member for life unless he wants to sign with another team . Why : Well, in 1993 Larry Johnson signed a massive 12-year, $84 million contract, the largest NBA deal of its time. When Charlotte Hornets owner George Shinn declined to offer a similar deal to the clearly superior Mourning in 1995, Alonzo made it known that he would leave the Hornets without compensation in the summer of 1996. Looking to circle the wagons, Shinn and the Hornets dealt Alonzo to Miami just before the 1995-96 season for a package that included center Matt Geiger. Days later, Geiger would break Shaquille O’Neal’s thumb in an exhibition game on a hard foul, clearing the way for Penny Hardaway to have the best season of his career and reportedly creating some resentment from O’Neal’s camp as Hardaway was discussed amongst MVP candidates. There, that's what I paid attention to in the 1990s. Can I get on Fallon, now? Who they should have chosen : Dwyane Wade, superstar guard. Why : Wade was the team’s representative in 2008 when the squad grabbed the second round pick, wasted it on two crummy seasons of Michael Beasley, then traded Beasley for cap space that was used on signing LeBron James and Chris Bosh. Let’s fail upward all over again, Miami! Indiana Pacers Who they chose : Larry Bird, three-time three-point shootout champion, 1979 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament runner-up. Why : Larry Bird demands that you remain accountable for your organization’s actions, even if bad luck put you an undesirable place, and he’s not going to shirk away from responsibility in spite of potential embarrassment. Besides, there is no embarrassment in working to the best of your abilities and putting in an honest effort even if the cards don’t come your way. He demands you sit up straight and make eye contact, and he’s going to cough loudly and ask to have a word after you tell the server you want yours prepared “medium well.”Who they should have chosen : Whoever the hell decided that our LGBT brothers and sisters can be discriminated against based solely on how their maker created them, and whoever the hell decided that you can’t buy beer on Sunday in Indiana. Why : It’s the same guy. Utah Jazz Who they chose : David Lindsey, general manager. Why : All-around good guy. Picked Tyler up at the airport when the kid was coming back from college and they sent me to Knoxville for some meeting that we could have done over the phone. Lent me a pair of dress shoes when Carol packed them in the wrong bag and I had to give a presentation right after getting off the airplane. Fixed a hitch in my swing. Who they should have chosen : You’re telling me there’s a better person to choose than David Lindsey? Why : Gave an absolute beaut of a toast at Michael’s wedding. Absolutely nailed the Gordon Proposal back in 2009, took the pressure of the whole damn department. His wife Erin really is great, gets along with Carol and isn’t like the rest of them. Never seen him get out of line with Ian at HR, though I don’t know how he keeps his patience with that dingbat. Makes more than most of us but you wouldn’t be able to tell by his Acura. Phoenix Suns Who they chose : Alex Len, center. Why : Nobody on the Phoenix Suns likes each other, save for the set of twins that allegedly like to slap the noise right out of your mouth . Who they should have chosen : Alice Cooper, singer of ‘Clones (We’re All),’not really named “Alice.”Why : America needs to be reminded that you can still retire to a sober life in Arizona, play golf all day, and still be the best. Oklahoma City Thunder Who they chose : Russell Westbrook, dunker. Why : Dude just dunked on Alex Len. Who they should have chosen : Russell Westbrook, dunker. Why : Dude just dunked on the guy from Price-Waterhouse. - - - - - - - Kelly Dwyer is an editor for Ball Don't Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at KDonhoops@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @KDonhoops [read full article]

From Yahoo Sports

Judging who should and shouldn't have been asked to attend the NBA draft lottery (Ball Don't L

The NBA’s draft lottery takes place on Tuesday, May 19. Representatives of the 14 NBA teams that will take part in the lottery were announced on Thursday, and as tends to happen, several mistakes were made. [ Follow Dunks Don't Lie on Tumblr: The best slams from all of basketball ] Minnesota Timberwolves Who they chose : Glen Taylor, owner Why : There are rumors that an ownership group cobbled together by both Timberwolves president/coach Flip Saunders and Kevin Garnett could try to purchase the team from Taylor, so this might be his last go-round in the lottery. Not because the Timberwolves will get any better any time soon, but because he could decide he’s had enough with a team that hasn’t made the playoffs since 2004. On the bright side, Taylor still carries that membership card from that Chipotle he likes outside the lottery studios and he’s about to get his 10th click and I think that means a free burrito but he’ll still have to pay extra for guacamole. Guacamole costs extra. Who they should have chosen : Kevin Garnett Why : The Wolves have the best odds at the top overall pick, and after they slide into the top three ESPN would ask Garnett to come over to the stage for the final unveiling and he’d decide to take a 45-minute shower first and make them wait and then the show would be delayed and then the entire ESPN schedule would be delayed and then your dumb roommate Phillip’s DVR of ‘First Take’would be screwed over the next day and it would be so sweet. New York Knicks Who they chose : Steve Mills, general manager. Why : Because Phil Jackson is a rich baby-boomer, and rich baby-boomers are notoriously averse to taking responsibility for the mess they’ve created. Come on, people now. Smile on your brother. Who they should have chosen : Don Henley, Eagle, former perm-haver . Why : Because the manager of the Eagles helped put Phil Jackson in charge of the Knicks, because the Knicks are the worst, and because the Eagles are the worst. It’ll be a nice distraction before Isiah Thomas represents the team at the 2016 lottery oh wait they traded away that pick for Andrea Bargnani my bad. Yeah, go with Henley. He’s down with the culture, there. Philadelphia 76ers Who they chose : Nerlens Noel, player. Why : Cool hair, better gap-tooth. Subject to be replaced pending league approval of the four-team deal that will send Noel to Oklahoma City for OKC’s 2021 first-round draft pick (top three protected, could turn over into an unprotected 2022 first-round pick if unclaimed in 2021). Who they should have chosen : Burt Young, famed star of stage and screen. Why : The man who played Paulie Pennino in all 12 ‘Rocky’features achieved Hollywood immortality by attempting to deny the titular character a chance at both the heavyweight championship and also the hand of the woman he loved. The character is loathsome and outside of an affinity for both canned beer and robots, devoid of any redeeming qualities. All he wanted was for all of Philadelphia to be as unhappy as him. This is right up the 76ers’alley. Los Angeles Lakers Who they chose : Byron Scott, head coach lol. Why : Because I need something to write about the next day. Who they should have chosen : Kobe Bryant, shooting guard. Why : Glen Taylor needs to be told he shouldn’t be celebrating too much, and that it’s just a top overall pick and nothing like FIVE RINGS. Steve Mills needs to be told that he doesn’t even have Phil Jackson’s secret-secret cell phone number and hell no Kobe’s not giving it to him. The guy from ‘Rocky’needs to be told that he’s not even making the top six names in the Leonard Maltin Game . And when the Lakers fall out of the top five and lose the pick to Philadelphia Kobe gets to say “good man I didn’t even want to play with some punk kid get me Caron Butler that’s someone I can go to war, with, man, I’m a WARRIOR MAMBA OUT.”Orlando Magic Who they chose : Alex Martins, CEO. Why : This is what CEOs get to do, I guess. Get on TV for a bit as your pick slides from fifth to eighth and all the free bobbleheads you can find and hey look here’s a picture of me and Dr. J. did you know Michael Jordan bet me fifty bucks I couldn’t knock in this 20-foot putt and I totally nailed, man, totally nailed it. Who they should have chosen : A selected fan participant, the winner of a “why I remain an Orlando Magic fan”essay contest. Why : Because it would have been hilarious to see which d-bag Laker fan the essay winner would sell his ticket to. Sacramento Kings Who they chose : Vlade Divac, President of the Sacramento Kings and maybe coach. Why : Vlade Divac once played basketball for the Sacramento Kings. As such, he has earned the right to run the Sacramento Kings for five months. Who they should have chosen : Peja Stojakovic, President of the Sacramento Kings and maybe coach. Why : You didn’t hear? Check your Twitter. Denver Nuggets Who they chose : Josh Kroenke, inheritor, bon vivant, and man about town. Why : He’s rich, he played basketball, and he can park wherever the hell he likes. Who they should have chosen : Ron, Wal-Mart greeter. Any Wal-Mart greeter. Why : Why? Have you seen those dudes? They are adorable . They don’t look at you funny when your only purchases include a George Jones CD, a three-pack of boxer shorts, some almonds and a tire gauge. He’ll always check your receipt when you get ice and it’s like come on Ron I’m not going to steal ice. Detroit Pistons Who they chose : Jeff Bower, general manager. Why : He’s tall, he’s respected, he is well-groomed and he is the general manager. He has perfect handshake timing, never lingers too long, and he understands that these days you prefer text to voicemail. Who they should have chosen : Jeff Bower, general manager. Why : He is the team’s general manager. Charlotte Hornets Who they chose : Michael Kidd-Gilchrist, 500 jumpers a day. Why : It is May. It is warm. Michael Jordan has played 27 holes and made over 1200 untaxed bucks before you even decided to check if Lawrence Funderburke was just named president and maybe coach of the Sacramento Kings. Who they should have chosen : I guess we’re going all in on this whole stupid 1990s nostalgia thing so, I dunno, Larry Johnson? Why : LJ is pretty cool . If he’s unavailable we can just see who’s trending or who’s on Fallon’s show tonight so probably Lisa Turtle or the woman that sang ‘Zombie’or TV’s Wayne Knight or Joe Isuzu or ‘Air Bud’just kidding ‘Air Bud’is totally dead by now. Miami Heat Who they chose : Alonzo Mourning, Miami Heat family member for life unless he wants to sign with another team . Why : Well, in 1993 Larry Johnson signed a massive 12-year, $84 million contract, the largest NBA deal of its time. When Charlotte Hornets owner George Shinn declined to offer a similar deal to the clearly superior Mourning in 1995, Alonzo made it known that he would leave the Hornets without compensation in the summer of 1996. Looking to circle the wagons, Shinn and the Hornets dealt Alonzo to Miami just before the 1995-96 season for a package that included center Matt Geiger. Days later, Geiger would break Shaquille O’Neal’s thumb in an exhibition game on a hard foul, clearing the way for Penny Hardaway to have the best season of his career and reportedly creating some resentment from O’Neal’s camp as Hardaway was discussed amongst MVP candidates. There, that's what I paid attention to in the 1990s. Can I get on Fallon, now? Who they should have chosen : Dwyane Wade, superstar guard. Why : Wade was the team’s representative in 2008 when the squad grabbed the second round pick, wasted it on two crummy seasons of Michael Beasley, then traded Beasley for cap space that was used on signing LeBron James and Chris Bosh. Let’s fail upward all over again, Miami! Indiana Pacers Who they chose : Larry Bird, three-time three-point shootout champion, 1979 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament runner-up. Why : Larry Bird demands that you remain accountable for your organization’s actions, even if bad luck put you an undesirable place, and he’s not going to shirk away from responsibility in spite of potential embarrassment. Besides, there is no embarrassment in working to the best of your abilities and putting in an honest effort even if the cards don’t come your way. He demands you sit up straight and make eye contact, and he’s going to cough loudly and ask to have a word after you tell the server you want yours prepared “medium well.”Who they should have chosen : Whoever the hell decided that our LGBT brothers and sisters can be discriminated against based solely on how their maker created them, and whoever the hell decided that you can’t buy beer on Sunday in Indiana. Why : It’s the same guy. Utah Jazz Who they chose : David Lindsey, general manager. Why : All-around good guy. Picked Tyler up at the airport when the kid was coming back from collegeand they sent me to Knoxville for some meeting that we could have done over the phone. Lent me a pair of dress shoes when Carol packed them in the wrong bag and I had to give a presentation right after getting off the airplane. Fixed a hitch in my swing. Who they should have chosen : You’re telling me there’s a better person to choose than David Lindsey? Why : Gave an absolute beaut of a toast at Michael’s wedding. Absolutely nailed the Gordon Proposal back in 2009, took the pressure of the whole damn department. His wife Erin really is great, gets along with Carol and isn’t like the rest of them. Never seen him get out of line with Ian at HR, though I don’t know how he keeps his patience with that dingbat. Makes more than most of us but you wouldn’t be able to tell by his Acura. Phoenix Suns Who they chose : Alex Len, center. Why : Nobody on the Phoenix Suns likes each other, save for the set of twins that allegedly like to slap the noise right out of your mouth . Who they should have chosen : Alice Cooper, singer of ‘Clones (We’re All),’not really named “Alice.”Why : America needs to be reminded that you can still retire to a sober life in Arizona, play golf all day, and still be the best. Oklahoma City Thunder Who they chose : Russell Westbrook, dunker. Why : Dude just dunked on Alex Len. Who they should have chosen : Russell Westbrook, dunker. Why : Dude just dunked on the guy from Price-Waterhouse. - - - - - - - Kelly Dwyer is an editor for Ball Don't Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at KDonhoops@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @KDonhoops [read full article]

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